User:Shadowm/AtSProseCorrection

Format:

=== path ===
* line number
** original
** initial correction
*** comments
*** Name: Comment.
** edit version 2
*** Name: Comment.
** ...
** final edit

Formatting:

• Please '''bold''' changed words, unless the changes amount to a rewrite.

For edits under review, append new comments and edit versions to the end of the block. Please do not overwrite or delete anything until the edit is finalized. When an edit is finalized, move it to the "Edits to be committed" section and delete all intermediate versions (all except the original and final).

And remember:

<shadowm> And please try to be orderly.
<_8680_> Of course.
<shadowm> e.g. If I see a correction for E2S4 followed by one for E1S8 and another for E2S2 I'll probably flip out.

Edits to be committed

episode1/scenarios/07x_Resolutions.cfg

• 131
  • It is certainly unfortunate that you couldn’t find a solution to this problem. Everything seems peaceful and good from our current location, but if Uria’s minions win the war and take over the continent, it will be a matter of time until they come back to claim this island. What if Yechnagoth is able to control the surface creatures in the continent again?
  • It is certainly unfortunate that you couldn’t find a solution to this problem. Everything seems peaceful and good from our current location, but if Uria’s minions win the war and take over the continent, it will be a matter of time until they come back to claim this island. What if Yechnagoth is able to control the surface creatures of the continent again?

episode1/scenarios/09_The_Triad_part_1.cfg

• 416
  • We would have killed you on sight, rats, but our master really wanted to see your faces
  • We would have killed you on sight, rats, but our master greatly wanted to see your faces

• 464
  • long after I gave up on my search!
  • long after I gave up my search!

episode1/scenarios/09_The_Triad_part_2.cfg

• 264
  • But, which direction should we go?
  • But which direction should we go?

episode1/scenarios/10_Tears.cfg

• 280
  • Has it even occurred to you that our little struggle in their headquarters in that accursed peninsula has put their forces in motion again to protect what little remains of Yechnagoth?
  • Has it even occurred to you that our little struggle on their headquarters in that accursed peninsula has put their forces in motion again to protect what little remains of Yechnagoth?

episode2/scenarios/04_Shifting_Allegiances.cfg

• 441
  • So be it, then. I was hoping to achieve something with a more civilized approach, but I guess diplomacy has become a thing of the past in this world as well.
  • So be it, then. I was hoping to achieve something with a more civilized approach, but I guess diplomacy has become a thing of the past on this world as well.
    • "on" emphasizes that Urvatha is a different planet.
    • "in" emphasizes that Urvatha is in a different "branch".
    • 8680: ^ vultraz, nota bene.

• 840
  • There might be something in there which she could use against the few remaining demon gods who may oppose her."
  • There may be something there which she could use against the few remaining demon gods who may oppose her."
    • "there" = Ethea.

• 880
  • What she expects to find in Ethea might be another artifact that could enable her to wield the Union.
  • What she expects to find on Ethea may be another artifact that could enable her to wield the Union.

• 885
  • I’m not convinced destroying the Ruby is the correct option. What if there’s an equivalent somewhere else in Irdya, or in another world?
  • I’m not convinced destroying the Ruby is the correct option. What if there’s an equivalent somewhere else on Irdya, or on another world?

• 899
  • The elves... the people whom I swore to protect eons ago need me at this very moment. Let me use the power of the Ruby once again, and then we’ll make sure it won’t be used ever again.
  • The elves... the people whom I swore to protect eons ago need me at this very moment. Let me use the power of the Ruby once more, and then we’ll make sure it won’t ever be used again.

episode2/scenarios/05_The_Eastern_Front.cfg

• 261
  • "Not just that, but they’ve also got support from the metallic creatures working for Uria!"
  • "Not just that, but they also have support from the metallic creatures of Uria!"

episode3/menu.cfg

• 15
  • At the end of the day, darkness might claim our homes and lives and trap the world underneath its impenetrable veil. But the night is not eternal, and even amidst chaos, hope shines as a beacon which can help us vanquish our worst fears and reunite us with our destiny.
  • Though at the end of the day darkness may claim our homes and lives and trap the world beneath its impenetrable veil, the night is not eternal, and even amidst chaos, hope shines forth as a beacon which can help us vanquish our worst fears and reunite us with our destiny.

Edits to be reviewed

episode2/scenarios/04_Shifting_Allegiances.cfg

• 499
  • Let’s purge this plague out of the country!
  • Let's purge Irdya of this plague!
    • 8680: Maybe one of these?
      • Let's purge this blight from Irdya!
      • Let's rid Irdya of this blight!
    • vultraz: I prefer my edit

• 865
  • We aren’t the only group that has stood up against her rule, but we are one of the few that has survived to this day. We’ve seen her real power, and only the wielder of the Union could possibly stand a chance against her — if only that power didn’t fall into her hands following your short incursion into her territory.
  • We aren’t the only group who has stood up against her rule, but we are one of the few to survive to this day. We’ve seen her real power, and only the wielder of the Union could possibly stand a chance against her — if only that power hadn't fallen into her hands following your short incursion into her territory.
    • 8680: Re "that" -> "who": no, "that" is correct.
    • 8680: RFC: In "stood up against her rule", I think either "up" or "rule" should be dropped.
    • 8680: Otherwise I concur.
  • "We aren’t the only group that has stood against her rule, but we are one of the few to survive to this day. We’ve seen her real power, and only the wielder of the Union could possibly stand a chance against her — if only that power hadn't fallen into her hands following your short incursion into her territory." ?

• 933
  • I would like to keep our pact as a secret between us. Even if the Grand Council understood, there seems to be a fair chance it could fall and provide Uria’s henchmen with information about our plans. Nobody should tell anyone else about this.
  • I would like to keep our pact a secret between us. Even if the Grand Council understood, there seems a fair chance it could fail and provide Uria’s henchmen with information about our plans. No one should speak of this.
    • 8680: Re drop "as": concur.
    • 8680: Re "fall" -> "fail": I think the meaning is that the Council could be captured and interrogated.
      • Confirmed by OSL.
    • 8680: Re last sentence: concur.
      • Or maybe "Let none speak of this."
    • OSL: Maybe change "it could fall" to "they could fall".
  • 8680: "I would like to keep our pact a secret between us. Even if the Grand Council understood, there seems a fair chance they could fall and provide Uria’s henchmen with information about our plans. Let none speak of this."?
    • vultraz: concur

episode2/scenarios/05_The_Eastern_Front_cutscene.cfg

• 182
  • Their base of operations is said to be located in Telchior’s Hold in the Valley of Elynia — the very place whence we fled under Galas’ command following the Chaos invasion. Something really wrong must have occurred in there after our departure. As I recall, the last time we met you mentioned that Lord Lédinor was infested by Uria.
  • Their base of operations is said to be located in Telchior’s Hold in the Valley of Elynia — the very place whence we fled under Galas’s command following the Chaos invasion. Something deeply wrong must have occurred there after our departure. As I recall, the last time we met you mentioned that Lord Lédinor was possessed by Uria.
    • 8680: I concur with all changes, but OSL seemed to not want to involve himself in the *s’s? debate.

• 207
  • But... I don’t know anything about the valley’s location other than the fact that it’s in the middle of the desert, and fighting in a desert could be disastrous!
  • But... I know nothing of the valley’s location other than the fact that it’s in the middle of the desert, and fighting in a desert could be disastrous!
    • 8680: "But I know nothing of the valley’s location other than that it lies in the middle of the desert — and fighting in a desert could be disastrous!"?
    • vultraz: "But I know nothing of the valley’s location other than that it lies in the middle of the desert — and fighting in such a place could be disastrous!"?

• 212
  • The impersonator is a coward and she isn’t going to lead her minions in the front line. If anything can be done about her, it’ll have to be in her base.
  • The impersonator is a coward and she isn’t going to lead her minions on the front line. If anything can be done about her, it’ll have to be at her base.

• 217
  • You are a powerful warrior and you have more experience in these matters than any of the present people. You helped Galas and Mal Keshar infiltrate into the Chaos Empire once — I’m sure you can do this again.
  • You are a powerful warrior and you have more experience in these matters than any of us present. You helped Galas and Mal Keshar infiltrate the Heart. I’m sure you will be successful in this task.