User:Shadowm/AtSProseCorrection

Format:

=== path ===
* line number
** original
** corrected

And remember:

<shadowm> And please try to be orderly.
<_8680_> Of course.
<shadowm> e.g. If I see a correction for E2S4 followed by one for E1S8 and another for E2S2 I'll probably flip out.

Edits not yet committed

episode1/scenarios/07x_Resolutions.cfg

• 131
  • It is certainly unfortunate that you couldn’t find a solution to this problem. Everything seems peaceful and good from our current location, but if Uria’s minions win the war and take over the continent, it will be a matter of time until they come back to claim this island. What if Yechnagoth is able to control the surface creatures in the continent again?
  • It is certainly unfortunate that you couldn’t find a solution to this problem. Everything seems peaceful and good from our current location, but if Uria’s minions win the war and take over the continent, it will be a matter of time until they come back to claim this island. What if Yechnagoth is able to control the surface creatures of the continent again?

episode1/scenarios/09_The_Triad_part_1.cfg

• 416
  • We would have killed you on sight, rats, but our master really wanted to see your faces
  • We would have killed you on sight, rats, but our master greatly wanted to see your faces
• 464
  • long after I gave up on my search!
  • long after I gave up my search!

episode1/scenarios/09_The_Triad_part_2.cfg

• 264
  • But, which direction should we go?
  • But which direction should we go?

episode1/scenarios/10_Tears.cfg

• 280
  • Has it even occurred to you that our little struggle in their headquarters in that accursed peninsula has put their forces in motion again to protect what little remains of Yechnagoth?
  • Has it even occurred to you that our little struggle on their headquarters in that accursed peninsula has put their forces in motion again to protect what little remains of Yechnagoth?

episode3/menu.cfg

• 15
  • At the end of the day, darkness might claim our homes and lives and trap the world underneath its impenetrable veil. But the night is not eternal, and even amidst chaos, hope shines as a beacon which can help us vanquish our worst fears and reunite us with our destiny.
  • Though at the end of the day darkness may claim our homes and lives and trap the world beneath its impenetrable veil, the night is not eternal, and even amidst chaos, hope shines forth as a beacon which can help us vanquish our worst fears and reunite us with our destiny.

Edits to be reviewed by 8680

episode2/scenarios/04_Shifting_Allegiances.cfg

• 441
  • So be it, then. I was hoping to achieve something with a more civilized approach, but I guess diplomacy has become a thing of the past in this world as well.
  • So be it, then. I was hoping to achieve something with a more civilized approach, but I guess diplomacy has become a thing of the past on this world as well.

• 499
  • Let’s purge this plague out of the country!
  • Let's purge Irdya of this plague!

• 840
  • There might be something in there which she could use against the few remaining demon gods who may oppose her."
  • There may be something there which she could use against the few remaining demon gods who may oppose her."

Edits to be reviewed by vultraz

[none]

Edits committed

[none]

Logs processed

<vultraz> "darkness might claim our homes" -> 'darkness may'? "hope shines as a beacon which can help us vanquish" -> 'beacon to help'?
<vultraz> _8680_: ^
<vultraz> just notivced this after le tag
<_8680_> vultraz: Context?
<vultraz> description= _ "At the end of the day, darkness might claim our homes and lives and trap the world underneath its impenetrable veil. But the night is not eternal, and even amidst chaos, hope shines as a beacon which can help us vanquish our worst fears and reunite us with our destiny."+"
<_8680_> "might" -> "may", yes.
<_8680_> "which can" -> "to"... I don't like it, shadowm may, I don't know.
<_8680_> "underneath" -> "beneath" (better flow)
<_8680_> Or "underneath" -> "under".
<_8680_> "Though at the end of the day darkness may claim our homes and lives and trap the world beneath its impenetrable veil, the night is not eternal, and even amidst chaos, hope shines forth as a beacon which can help us vanquish our worst fears and reunite us with our destiny."
<vultraz> still think which can -> to sounds better
<_8680_> What is that, someone giving their army a rousing speech?
<vultraz> The episode 3 description
<vultraz> :P
<_8680_> If it was someone orating, I'd rewrite the hope-beacon part, but for that I say it's better as it is.
<_8680_> The more I think about "which can" -> "to", the less I like it.
<_8680_> If a beacon is "to" anything, it can only be "to" a destination.
----
<vultraz> ""We would have killed you on sight, rats, but our master really wanted to see your faces []"
<vultraz> I suggest 'really' -> 'greatly'
<vultraz> "long after I gave up on my search!" kill 'on'
----
<vultraz> "But, which direction should we go?" remove comma
----
<vultraz> "What if Yechnagoth is able to control the surface creatures in the continent again?" in -> on